On solo dates, presence, and feeling alive

Once upon a time, there was Gabi who was afraid to say her opinion.

Afraid to order in a restaurant.

Afraid to take up space.

She wore hoodies — wanting to be seen, but not visible.

I know it sounds contradictory, but that’s exactly how it felt.

After this slightly cartoon-like introduction, I want to talk about something that changed my relationship with myself: solo dates.

I love dates. Truly. I’m always excited about them. Sometimes they’re planned, sometimes spontaneous, sometimes complete surprises. The difference with solo dates is simple: I’m the one in charge of the atmosphere. I decide where to go, how long to stay, what I feel like doing, and when it’s time to leave.

And often, I wish everyone had dates like this.

Not my best day, but I was happy

This post isn’t only for people who are single. If you have a partner or want to organize something for your friends, I think you’ll still find something here. I’m not only pro solo dates, we need shared experiences too. But there is something quietly magical about learning who you are when no one is watching, and then bringing that aliveness back into connection.

I’m writing this because I often hear people say, “You’re so brave to go everywhere alone.” And at the same time, I see couples sitting together, both on their phones, not really present. I guess when you don’t have something, you start noticing how differently it could be.

So let’s talk about ideas, mindsets, and small rituals — not rules — for solo dates.

1. Book in advance and surprise yourself

One of my favorite things is buying tickets for concerts months in advance, putting them in my calendar, and forgetting about them. Then one day, I open my calendar and realize: Oh, tonight I’m going to a concert.

Sometimes it’s my favorite artist. Sometimes it’s a French singer whose lyrics I don’t understand at all. I go anyway, just to try something new.

We often say we don’t know where we’ll be in three or six months. But honestly, who cares? Buy the ticket. You’ll probably be here. And even if you’re not in the mood that day, you’ll go, and you’ll be glad you did.

I’ve gone alone to concerts and festivals many times. No bad experiences. People have asked me if I was on something. I wasn’t. I just closed my eyes and enjoyed the music.

2. Recurring dates

Every Wednesday is my self-care day. Massage, sauna, two hours of doing nothing productive. It’s a small ritual, but my body feels it. It’s one of the clearest ways I tell myself: I care about you.

3. Weekly exploration

I love wandering around the city with no destination. Following the sun, a green traffic light, the smell of a bakery, a hunch.

Sometimes I listen to an audiobook and argue with it in my head. Sometimes I just observe people while listening to music. And sometimes, I try an experiment: no headphones at all.

Those are the days people ask me for directions. When a stranger gives me flowers. When an old man tells me the only three English words he knows: I love you.

Now that I’m writing this, I realize, maybe the magic doesn’t happen when I’m listening to something, but when I’m fully available.

People are not real, my music is.

4. Return to familiar places

When I feel more introverted, I go to my safe places — favorite cafés, bars, museums, parks. I bring my notebook. I change the playlist, the perfume, the lens through which I experience the same space.

It’s familiar, but never the same.

My go to bar Mariposa Negra

5. Visit new places

Two things make me feel alive: stepping out of my comfort zone and creating something.

When I need a reset, I visit new places. I usually go alone. I have a few personal rituals: buying a travel-size perfume, visiting a modern art museum, sometimes going to a party if something interesting is happening. The rest is optional.

6. Daydreaming and journaling

Mornings are sacred to me. All my friends know this.

I have a brain-dump routine I never skip. No music. No background noise. Even my cat seems to understand this moment. I ask myself: What do I need today? What do I want? And I write. And write. And write.

7. Trying new things

This can be anything — a new dish, a glass-blowing workshop, buying a lottery ticket, saying yes to something unexpected.

I keep a list of things I’d like to try. And then I listen for when it feels right.

A few gentle reminders before you go on a solo date

• Prepare a playlist, audiobook, sketchbook, or notebook, if you want.

• You are the only person who can ruin the date. There is nobody else to blame.

• You can leave whenever you want. That’s the freedom.

• You don’t need to document it. Presence is more important than proof.

• Awkward moments are part of the date. You’re not failing, you’re experiencing.

• You don’t need to make it meaningful. Sometimes it just needs to be lived.

• If you notice yourself rushing, slow down.That’s usually where the date actually begins.

  
  

I wonder what keeps your dates interesting — solo, with friends, or with a partner.

As for me, I think the next thing I’ll practice is being without headphones more often. Something tells me that’s where real interaction with the world begins.